04/11 - Lenny’s Birthday

Sunday, April 11, 2021

I worked hard for some of the day and then just spent time thinking of Lenny. I have things all around me that remind me of him but it’s still eating me up inside that I can’t find that picture of me in his lap. Funny how one image can be so powerful and so important.

Yesterday, my parents came by in the afternoon. It was a pretty day. Not particularly hot or sunny but warm enough to enjoy the backyard. The sun peeked out here and there. Leo taught my mom some basketball basics, Adima poured glasses of water for everyone and brought it all out on a tray, in preparation for the muffins and pastries we would soon enjoy. Juney was galloping around in circles, flinging random items up in the air and then trying to eat them. Og and I sat on the patio steps, me with a hot coffee, him with a cold beer. Everyone was in good spirits. My dad seemed especially happy and at peace. I know that Lenny would have enjoyed being out there with us. I somehow can’t ever fully get used to him not being around; I want to think that perhaps he never completely left.

I hope I can get to a good place with his project. It is something I do not want to leave unfinished. People say that nothing worth doing is easy. People say that you need to fail and fail quickly so that you can continue along toward success. I know that I often get in my own way. I know that when I think too much, I stall. I think this is why music has been so important. It has urged me on in my endeavors while also loosening me up. And I hear Lenny when I play my records. I heard him a lot today. As much as I know that he struggled in his life and dealt with a lot of pain, he also did live a vibrant life in that he gave so much joy to others. How painfully beautiful.